My Heart Books

A while ago my husband shared with me a Weezer song called Heart Songs in which the lyrics list the artists and specific songs that influenced, inspired and directed Weezer’s musical career. I’m not a singer, and I don’t really have a lot of Heart Songs that make me who I am. But I have Heart Books. Books I feel so poignantly about that they have become part of me; that after reading them I could never be quite the same.

Tonight I finished re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird for the seventeenth time. I picked it up a few days ago because I had nothing new or interesting to read and I was trying to fill time until my Mom would hurry up and finish Mockingjay already and pass it on to me. I was looking for a distraction. Instead I was reminded why To Kill a Mockingbird is my all-time favorite book (outside of canonized scripture, of course). I had to wipe tears from my eyes so I could focus properly to read the last few pages. There are some passages in that book that are so beautiful they make my heart hurt in a way I can't really define.

Maybe it’s because the adventures with Jem, Scout and Atticus are over. Possibly it’s because I know I’ll never be able to write something that breathtaking.

Last week I attended a reading with Newberry Honor author Gary Schmidt (The Wednesday Wars, Lizzie Bright and the Buckminster Boy). He’s brilliant. I love his work; a true master of voice and character. When someone asked him about his writing process he said many things, one of which was, “Never be in a hurry. Your writing is never served by being in a hurry.”

Sometimes I am in a hurry. I get frustrated with how slow writing is, and think, “If I was really any good at this it wouldn’t be so hard for me.” I am wrong. Gary says he never writes more than 500 words a day. With 500 words he is able to maintain a level of quality that keeps his books honest and from the heart. At that pace, words mean something. There is a great deal of thought and care that goes into every single one of those words, and it shows; they are beautiful.

I don’t know how long it took Harper Lee to write To Kill a Mockingbird, but I do know it was the only book she ever wrote. Her life’s work.

And so I have decided something; I don’t have to be a prolific or well know writer. It doesn’t matter if I only ever publish one book, as long as that book is as charming, as funny, as heartbreaking and as stirring as my Heart Books, as an author, I will be an earth shattering success.